ERMAHGERD ZERMBE RP: REBORN

ERMAHGERD ZERMBE RP: REBORN, or EZRP: Reborn, as it is commonly called, is the second major installment of the RZRP series. The series includes six episodes following the adventures of The Crew as the enter the city of Detriot, a city torn by internal conflict and crime. This story, particularly the first four chapters, are severally vandalized from the deletion of a contributor's post. Note some parts where marked.

Original Episodes
Prologue: Grace was all ready to go as well. She had everything she had, and stood in front of the others. Grace: (whoops look at that im done wee) Swagson: grace...whyda yo gotta pee on the floor?!?!?!? DAMN CRAZY CRACKERS GRACE GOT AIDS FROM A ZOMBIE. WAT DO WE DO GUYS?!?!?! WHY NO ONE WANNA HELP THE CHILDREN GET RID OF THER AIDS?!?!?

CHAPTER ONE:

Grace died peacefully that night. John (the emo one) was sad. J0n was high. Swagson was like "YO DAWG! We gotta leave this ghetto." THe next day the new group set out...for freedom. THis is the future of MANKIND!! The survivors wandered into Detriot. AND SO IT BEGINS.

J0n: J0n got left behind while smoking some Romanian cocaine from a man named edboy

Swagson: "NO I DONT WANNA LEAVE YO ASS! NIGGA GRAB MY HAND!"But it was only a dream. We all miss him

J0n: J0n stumbles and falls on Matts leg

J0n: "Mah Nigga nuu.."

[Matt writes about J0n performing oral sex on him...or something]

As it turns out it was all inception. THE DREAM WAS JUST A DREAM> J0n is her to stay. HOORAY. UNFORTUNATELY MATT IS STILL NOT BLOWN

(LEt the record show that matt's balls are still not emptied)

J0n: J0n is floating on top of Swagson

Swagson: damn it... nvm

SWAGSON GRABS HIS LEFT NIPPLE AND RIPS IT OFF. "I ANT GONNA TAKE THIS"

J0n: J0n drops to the ground and eats the nipple

J0n: "give me half"

Swagson: "WE need fitty, matt you have been elected to prostitute yo self for our food yo"

Matt: "ok"

[Matt becomes a prostitute]

J0n: J0n starts striping

[MOVING TO CHAPTER TWO]

CHAPTER TWO

Brandon was a good sex slave. He never bit on dicks. It was hard work but we needed money to survive zombies and buy drugs. On one night there was a great big gangbang in which one thousand pesos was won to a cock that won a cock fight. Brandon was so happy that his sponsored cock won that he slapped his tits and got to work...

J0n came

J0n drank his semen and got high off his semen

Swagson thinks about his childhood...he cries with John (the emo one)

[Matt writes of a child named J0nnifer, who he cares for]

J0n ate the fetus [unsuccessfully]

J0n Starts dancing

[Matt writes of several zombies performing 'Thriller']

J0n: "Is der zumbue thrillwer"

J0n goes back to humpin ga rock

J0n rapes J0nnifer

[MOVING TO CHAPTER THREE]

CHAPTER THREE

The survivors wander through mains treet detriot and see a man. THe man walks near and says high. Everyone says high back. matt cries with tears of joy when he sees the mans hat. The next day the survivors find an outpost for the socialist party. "HELLO" says a socialist.

"HI!" says Swagson.

The survivors were very confused.

The city is a battlefield for the Crack Party Party and the socialists. THE CITY IS A GHETTO yo. THE government of detriot is unable to stop the drug violence. WHAT DO WE DO?!?!?!?!

OBJECTIVES: BUY DRUGS, prep for the war

J0n smokes all of the drugs in Detroit

[IMPOSSIBLE. (VETOED)]

J0n shoves paper acid in his penis hole

Swagson grabs his penis and lights that shit up

J0n strips again

[Matt goes to a club]

But secretly its a trap. Matt is stabbed in the escape

[Someone is killed]

J0n goes and smokes the dead body

Swagson: "FUCK MAN! LET ME GRAB Yo AND HELP Yo get out. GRAB MY AHND"

Swagson carries matt out and preforms surgery on da street

J0n poops in the surgical area

SUDDENLY ZOMBIES APPEAR AS IM WRAPPING UP MY NIGGA MATT.

Swagson: "FUCK RUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN"

THE ZOMBIES RIP OFF j0ns shoe. now that nigga got one shoe AINT NO BODY GOT TIME FO THAT

j0N TRIES TO RUN

J0n: "no!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Swagson: "MATT FOCUS YOURE JUST FUCKED UP FROM THE SURGERY DRUGS. STAY WITH ME!!!!!!!!!!!!"

j0N PICKS UP A USED DILDO AND BEATS THE ZOMBIES

Swagson continues to carry matt as j0n shoots the zombiers back

J0n tried to throw rock but accidentally threw explosive Romanian cocaine

Swagson: "OH NO THE cocaine flies everywhere"

the crew runs to safety. Matt sits and takes a shit

The survivors lock the doors and look inside. John is a sleeping on the floor.

Swagson: "JOHN WAKE THE FUCK UP"

But he was already in a coma.

[END OF CHAPTER THREE]

CHAPTER Four

John is emo and in coma and everyone be waiting in the place. "Detriot is a war zone yo and we gotta survive" say J0n to his brothas. "Damn straight nigga" say Swagson. The group rolled up dat john guy into a rug and carry him away. They go to buy some shrooms. The group (and fucked up john) go to the club called Lik Mi. The place is full of fucked up gangsters. "We has to find the guy named 'Skeeter'. He sells the shrooms yo." say swagson. Yolo

Objectives: Find Skeeter, buy drugs, leave club

John: John wakes up and pulls out a pistol out of nowhere. He pops a cap in Skrill Cosby's ass, and pulls himself out of the rug.

J0n walks towards out the door looking for skeeter

"HOLY FUCK TARDS" SAY SOME GUYS. Everyone freaks the fuck out and some gangster strangles John. He falls unconsious as someguy goes to skrill's side. Its too late...Skrill dies. Everyone panics. Suddenly a flamboyantly gay pimp walks out...lets investigate

J0n not knowing John was strangled goes to take a dump in the restroom

Swagson walks toward the pimp guy...

"MAGIC BEANS BUTHOLE, BATMAN!" Yo players look likka need a good time" say da pimp guy. What do we say?

J0n walks out forgetting his hatchet and drugs on the toilet

John starts to wake up, he looks at teh pimp guy, and goes all anger management on him

John: "YO NIQQA WHERE DA DRUGS AT?"

J0n: "Shit My nigger they probably on teh toylets!"

J0n runs for his life

for the crack

A random black guy walks in bathroom and finds j0n's shit. HE grabs it and runs out high and fucking up shit...

[The crew first encounters Randon Guy]

Meanwhile at the pimp:

"YO FUCKER I BE THE OG. I BUILD BRIDGES OVER FUCKEN OCEANS. I've SMOKED fucken CRACK ROCKS FROM THE MOON" say pimp

crazy black guy who stole j0n's stuff runs out and slixes up a hooker. he runs away

J0n sees the black man, he see's his eyes blazed.

J0n: "Nigga dat crack is mine"

J0n walks closer to the Black man.

John found the cray cray black guy, and smacked his bitch up, then got the crack back for J0n cuz he has $wag

The crazy nigga starts swingin around shit, half dead. Blood runs down his face as he accidently slices open his testicles. "AJUHRKJAEHJ AWWWWW FUUUUCK FUCK!!"

J0n snorts all the crack and grabs the hatchet on the ground

The crazy black guys rolls arouhnd on the ground screaming and vomiting.

MEanwhile inside:

Swagsn say to the pimp:

Swagson: "ARE YOU SKEETER?!?!?"

"Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaah nigga"

Swagson: "okay..."

suddenly swagson realized he done no have any money

John: "Where we gon' get teh munny nyyiiqqqaaa?"

John asks, high as fuck.

J0n throws the hatchet at the black guy

J0n: " You know it's a sin to kill a mocking bird"

Swagson turns around as sees john stumbling back inside.

Swagson: "Yo john calm da fuck. Aint no body got time fo this." You got any cash on ya?"

Swagson: "Yo dawgg I'm sorry dogg lion dogg snoop snoop snoopity dogg dawg. I'm trippin' major ballsack, like, Lance Armstrong ballsack."

J0n pulls the hatchet out of the black man's head and walks back to Swagson.

J0n: "lets go, I just got 10 bucks from the black guys"

Swagson: "okay nice. John hasnt been trippin this much since he dressed up like a ballsack fo thanksgiving and got his ear stuck in his disk drive. So yolo..."

Swagson grabs the money and throws it at Skeeter.

"THANKS NIGGER. HERE IS SOME SHROOMS"

(+5 Shrooms)

Swagson: "kthankxbye"

John: "Yo snoooop Dawggggggggggggg Dogggg we gotta check Skrill Cosby, he probz has lots of munny'z on his bitch azz... #Y.O.L.O., #$WAG, #HYFR"

John said still tripping major ballsack.

J0n follows behind Swagson

Swagson: "Yo right!" say swagson. My nigger runs over to the corpse of skrill and start feeling him up. Some random fanboy punches swagson in the face

J0n muscle spazzes and punches the attacker

"yo dah fuck!" says some party goer. He smashes a beer bottle on j0n's head.

J0n falls to the ground and is bleedin tremendously a lot of blood J0n: "Son Of A Bitch"

SKEETER: "YO GET OUT NOW!"

SWagson pulls j0n out. Everyone leaves

[END OF CHATPER FOUR]

CHAPTER Five

THE GREAT WAR

The crew leaves and goes home with da shrooms. They all take a few and start seeing shit. Suddenly a socialist soldier walks in and is like freaking out, "GUYS THE WAR IS STARTING. THE GREAT WAR HAS BEGUN." Meanwhile swagson be all up in his own world. Unicorns are flying around and lucy in the sky with diamonds is playing. "GOO#D TH^NG YO MIX&D IN SOME LSD!*(#!*(&)@$&*(!*&($&*(" says a friendly hippopatimus. Swagson vomits. The socialist guy smacks him across the face. "COME ON GUYS!!"

The crew wanders through the streets. A bunch of socialists run past shoouting at stuff. Some nigga hands j0n a gun.

IT HAS BEGUN

J0n turns off the safety on the gun

J0n: "I gotta get high" snorts some cocaine

Swagson: "FUCK MAN be cool guys. This be serious shit"

They all run forward

J0n sees a frag getting thrown at the crew

J0n: " move!!!!!!!!!!"

Pushes Swagson out of the way

Swagson: "Get yo ass down!"

the frag explodes fucking up some socialists. A guy is crying. "Someone shot those mofos!" say socialist commander

J0n gets up and starts shooting

J0n: "Fuck I'm shot" falls down bleeding

This is John right now

Swagson:' "fuck everyone is getting shot and shit this is ridickless.

Swagson grabs john by the neck and starts swinging him around hitting people. (or atleast he tried to...but though his drug induced dream Swagson really just grabs john and collapses on the ground in a seizure-like frenzy)

J0n runs for cover

J0n: "does anyone have a med kit!"

Some random socialist throws him a tube of neosporin. it falls on the ground useless

J0n snorts the neosporin and covers Swagson, J0n then put Swagson Behind cover

swagson grabs a box of fruit loops out of his coat.

Swagson: "I NEED TO LIGHT UP...NOW!!!"

HE tries to quickly smash dat shit up. He drops half the stuff all over him and stumbles on his lighter

J0n is too blazed from the neosporin and tries to recover

Swagson: "J0N STAY WITH ME!!!"

Swagson drops his fruit loops all over the place. He falls to the ground trying to snort it off the ground. Suddenly everyone starts shouting. "Oh woops sorry guys looks like that was all friendly fire. We were shouting at our own guys." says a socialist.

Swagson: "FUCK MAN" say swagson "WTF WHERE AM I EVEN!?!?!? I AM SO HIGH"

J0n: "Here take this gun" J0n gets up

J0n: "I got my knife and hatchet"

Swagson: "wow kthankz."

Swagson wanders off somewhere.

Swagson: "Wait where am I?!?!"

Suddenly he sees a zombie in front of him wandering the streets.

Swagson: "HOLY FUCK I GOT TO SHOOT HIM!"

Swagson grabs his rifle that he got from j0n and takes aim. He fires and it flies off completely.

Swagson: "FUCK!"

the zombie runs toward him. He aims again carefully and fires. He misses horribly. THE ZOMBIE IS GETTING CLOSE. Swagson fires another 6 times, missing each. He throws the gun on the ground and starts running violently at the zombie. He slips and falls, flailing his arms, and landing in a pile of trash and used syringes. The zombie is then shot by an anonymous sniper.

J0n: "Swagson..."

J0n runs over to Swagson

Swagson is covered in other peoples' AIDs-filled blood and drugs but he gets up and staggers toward the dead zombie. He finds fifty bucks in the zombie's pocket.

Swagson: "LETS GO" say swagson

J0n: "come on John is waiting for us"

Everyone is running forward

John stahps doing push-ups bcuz he haz $wagggg. and then he is all strong n shish, and then he sees that the battle is over.

John: "Shiiiieeeeettt dawg, I just finished my work-out."

Suddenly a person walks out of the darkness. It's the anonymous sniper!!! ITS A BLACK GIRL....JAKE LAZAROW MOMNI!!!! That nigga shoot j0n in the head.

Swagson: "HOLY SHIT WTF OMFG" say swagson.

Momni: "THERES NO TIME. COME WITH ME."

Swagson looks at his dying friend, j0n, and the hot lady in front of him...

Swagson: "okay"

J0n: "You never know a man until you fit in his skin walk around in it...I'm a...terrorist.."

John: "Nooooooo! MI $WAG WILL REVIV U D00D!"

JOHN SCREAMED AT J0N'S DYING BODY, SHAKING IT AROUND, MAKING IT ALL WET (If you know what I mean)

Swagson: "OH SHIT BRICKS NIGGA BE TRIPPIN. look j0n, I wanted you to see what real courage is, instead of getting the idea that courage is a man with a gun in his hand. It's when you know you're licked before you begin but you begin anyway and you see it through no matter what. You rarely win, but sometimes you do... Ill always remember you."

Suddenly swagson looks at the crack party party officer, momni.

Swagson: "WTF MAN!"

Momni: "IT HAD TO BE DONE. THAT GUY WAS A RAPIST."

Swagson: "OKAY TAKE ME TO YO LEADER."

They walk away

John takes one last look at J0n, he was the best rapist black guy that had ever lived. John remembered the first time they met...when J0n stole John's car in the middle of Detriot. Good times....good times indeed.

John: "Shiiieeet Nyyiqqaa...I'ma miss you bro..."

John said, as a tear fell down his face.

[END OF CHAPTER FIVE]

CHAPTER Six

THE FINAL CHAPTER

"Holi sheet J0n is dead." Cried john. "OMFG I never thought i would be could to yolo this hard." Swagson, who had a syringe half way up his ballsack, looked up. "DAt sick wow omg yo right." john kept crying and being emo. everyone was sad. Suddenly zombie Jim M0Arrison walked in and was like, "ARHHHhhhh THIS IS THE ENDdddd. BA BA BAHHHH....Beautiful friendzzz....jafhhrf!" Swagson smashed the syringe against his boner and jumped up. "WTF OMG WAT IS HAPPPENING". Jim pointed at John. "Dont you mofos get it?!?!? this be all a metaphor for us all. All around us a conflict brews, much like your old crappy lifes. This is just the beginning. At some point yo just gotta wake up, man!!!"

"Um okay then." say ma nigga swagson. "KTHANKXBRO." The zombies was nothing like before. We had all changed. "IM INFVINSABLE" Say john and he run outside into a crowd of zombies. JOHN WAS SERIOUSLY FUCKED UP. Swagson say: "NO JOHN!!" And grabbed him and sat his ass down. Swagson slowly pulled out a gun from his pocket. He looked at the gun....and the gn looked at him. Then he was like, "YOURE RIGHT aBOUT SOMEThing." and shot himself in the face.

"OWWWW FUUUUU OW THAT HURT." And swagson left and was never seen again. "WAIT sa wat?!?!?" shout john, as swagson leaned against the doorway. "DONT LEAVE ME...Im...Im...IM PREGNANT." Swagson paused fo a sec....

"Im sorry kid...Its time" ANd swagson left...for everz.

[END OF SERIES]